I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
Randomize
