I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
Randomize
