So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
Randomize
