I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
Randomize
