it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
Randomize
