Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
accomplished twins. life is a go
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
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