i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
