so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
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