how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
Randomize
