fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
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