Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
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