Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
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