I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
Randomize
