she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
And then my night got REAL pukey
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
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