Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
We should be called the Road Head Warriors
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
Randomize
