I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
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