You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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