dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
Randomize
