No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
Randomize
