I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
Randomize
