Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
smell my finger.
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
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