4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
