Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize
