I'm pants shitting drunk right now
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
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