Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
Randomize