is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize