New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
Randomize
