Having a random hookup so left but love u
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
Randomize
