I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
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