having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
Randomize
