bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
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