drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
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