So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
We're using joints as your birthday candles
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
