He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
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