I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
Randomize