11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
Randomize
