I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
Randomize
