well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
Randomize
