At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
Randomize
