Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
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