We're like a lot better than the average bears
i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
My legs feel like baby dolphins
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
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