She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
She's the barista slut.
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
