birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
Randomize
