Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
i think my tv is drunk
she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
Randomize
