No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
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