Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
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