Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
Randomize
