you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
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