Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
Randomize
