I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
Randomize
