i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
Randomize
