I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
Randomize
