Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
I wish i was in the wii world.
i love accidental penises.
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
Randomize
