did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
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