i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Randomize
