The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
Randomize
