"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
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