saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
I want to walk on stilts...naked
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
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