found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
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