Ryan Ross and Jon Walker left panic at the disco today.
I predict a mass suicide of the 14 year old girl population...
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
Randomize
