Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
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