We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
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