Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
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