I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
We had to coat check the pizza.
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
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