im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
I have already put on my inside pants.
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
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